Think of five women in your life that you love. Now think of one in particular. This is the statistic for women who experience postpartum anxiety. One in five. 

This proves to me that postpartum anxiety is not only common, but it is also normal, and I know from experience that it is incredibly isolating at the same time. 

Defined as an increase in excessive anxiety following childbirth [1], postpartum anxiety can last for a couple of weeks to a couple of years. That’s not daunting, right? And it is in the same family as postpartum depression, so experiencing both is not uncommon (awesome). 

I have dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember and I knew that put me at risk for experiencing PPA myself. By what felt like a miracle, my pregnancy was the most calm I have felt in my entire life. My doctor said this was because of the rise in progesterone when you become pregnant. Once I got a taste of how it felt to be (mostly) free from anxiety, I wanted to hold onto that feeling postpartum if I could.

The weeks following birth were completely blissful for me. I thought about my delivery over and over, vowing never to forget a single detail. I was amazed at myself and what my body could do and I couldn’t have fathomed the love that I would feel for my daughter. I could also feel the dramatic decrease in my hormones following delivery and even through the bliss, I experienced weepiness, fear, and worry too. I remember crying while in the bathtub to my husband while processing all the emotions I was feeling. Sadness that my pregnancy was over, fear of the unknown, and worry if I was doing anything “right” when it came to caring for our baby. 

Where the anxiety was the worst for me was regarding my baby’s safety. I loved my baby SO MUCH that the thought of anything happening to her made me freeze in fear. Visions of the fan falling on her and dreams of losing her in the covers intensified around two weeks postpartum and began to lighten up around week eight. I called the postpartum therapist from my hospital and we worked together on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (I’ll do a post on this soon) which really helped train my mind to manage anxious thoughts. I also accepted the fact that I had to ride this out – my hormones and the first clumsy (lots of trial and error) weeks of motherhood.

When it came time for me to go back to work around 13 weeks, my anxiety was all-consuming again. I looked at my daughter and decided that I would not have her grow up watching me agonize over daily life because of my anxiety. I went to the doctor and for the first time in my life started taking an SSRI. This truly deserves its own blog post because it is such a big deal. But the short of this story, for now, is that I tried the meds and they are working. I am free – and I mean FREE – from the anxious life I knew for 30 years. This doesn’t mean I don’t feel anxiety, because sometimes I still do, but it is so much more manageable now and that crippling fear and sense of dread I once knew is just no longer there. I will keep you posted as I learn more from my experience.

Before trying meds, I have become incredibly well-versed in holistic ways to approach and work with anxiety. Meditation, journaling, breathwork, and mindfulness are a part of my every day. This paired with the medication has allowed me to truly thrive during postpartum and take care of myself so I can properly take care of my baby and my family. Treating ALL the parts of you – mind, body, and spirit is so important and it sends a ripple effect through your family.

My husband and I also came to terms early with the fact that nothing is in our control. You google one thing related to how to raise a baby and you get a million different answers and ways of doing things. We made a decision early that we would do our research and follow our intuition to make the best decisions for our family. This took away all the guilt for me and solidified the bond of our family.

So if you’re still reading, thank you for hearing me, and know that you are not alone in your feelings postpartum. Anxiety is a very real topic in our society and in kids too. The goal is not just to live free of anxiety, but to know how to deal with anxiety when it arises. Our kids are watching and they will manage their anxiety the way they watch us manage ours. I feel strongly about that. OK – so here we go…

My top 5 tips for managing postpartum anxiety:

1. Nature: Let the sun touch your face and take a deep breath of fresh air. Getting out of the house does wonders even if it’s just to your back patio to smell the flowers. So easy to do with a baby too! Bonus points: put your feet to the earth for grounding effects.
2. Journal: Let it out! Write down your unfiltered thoughts, emotions, joys, fears, all of it. It feels so good to physically write (pen to paper is best) and helps your mind process through big emotions. It’s also special to look back and see how far you’ve come and how your perspective may have changed.
3. Movement: Moving your body can help your brain work through anything. Get the blood flowing, move stagnant energy, and boost your mood with a quick walk or a set of squats in the kitchen.
4. Breathwork + Meditation: I do Wim Hof breathwork every morning and it invites peace into my life and clears out the stress. You can find 4×4 box breathing guides on YouTube, too. I always feel centered after a few rounds and the baby watches intently as I do it. She’s fascinated by it.
5. Reach out to your care team – doctor + therapist: having a support system in place makes a world of difference. I made my postpartum appointments before giving birth so it was one less thing to do postpartum. If you are struggling, you are not alone and help is available for you. Reach out to your doctor or pediatrician if you feel that anxiety or depression is interfering with your life. If you need support now call 1-800-944-4773 or visit https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/ 

One thing I know for sure: this time is turbulent! I don’t think it’s smooth sailing for anyone. Above all, I just want you to remember you are not alone and your friends and family want to support you. Don’t hesitate to reach out and ask for what you need. 

Wishing you health and peace during your postpartum journey.

xx

Kaitlin

Sources: [1], [2]