Photo Credit // @caylabrookephoto

I recently found this entry from December 2021 that I hadn’t posted. I loved reading this and remembering that first year with my baby. I hope you do too.

It’s the end of the year and the quiet snowed-in days and the dark evenings make me want to slow down, rest, and reflect on where I’ve been in 2021.

This was the year that I brought my daughter into the world. It was an act that completely propelled me into the next version of myself. Yes, having a baby changes your life, but more so it feels like she completely elevated my life. I am different now. I understand what is most important to me more clearly and confidently than I have my whole life. For me, it’s my health and well-being and my family. That’s it. In a world that is so uncertain, so divided right now, and frankly, so violent, all I wish to do is to retreat into the warm and loving energy of my home and my family.

Being pregnant during the pandemic was challenging and definitely added a complex layer to an already complex and uncertain situation. Nothing is promised in life and conceiving and remaining pregnant is no different. Of course, I knew the statistics. What they left out of my catholic school sex education class was that for most couples the odds that they will get pregnant is 15%-25%. I learned why people say “babies are truly miracles” – they are.

From the moment I found out I was pregnant I was forced to give up control, to be as present as possible, and to trust that life is always unfolding as it should. And then there was labor and delivery – the biggest act of surrender I will ever know! For me, it was a brilliant, spiritual, and out-of-body experience. I loved it. My husband, on the other hand, had a hard time with it. It scared him and he felt out of control. I learned that processing birth is so valuable and important for both myself and my partner individually and together as a couple. Through several health challenges and a 22-hour labor, my baby was born two weeks early but thank god she was (and is) healthy. I am so proud of how peacefully she was brought into this world.

I learned the meaning of matrescense – the journey to becoming a mother. To me, the fourth trimester was the main event! I was so curious about postpartum and knew I wanted to be intentional about how the energy around my family to feel following birth. I prepared nourishing recipes, relied heavily on community support, and during my pregnancy, I saved so I could invest in holistic health modalities like acupuncture, massage, energy work, and pelvic floor therapy, I meditated on my birth often and truly enjoyed and appreciated the journey. All of these things impacted the way I became a mother.

No one really talks about those first few weeks postpartum. I didn’t expect to bleed for weeks, struggle to breastfeed, or that I would feel like my husband and I just got thrown into the deep end of the pool – with sharks. We were recently laughing to ourselves that nine months ago when we were in those early days, we had no clue what we were doing and had ZERO confidence in ourselves as parents. In nine months, we now know our daughter and what she needs. I learned to trust the process and unfolding of the journey to parenthood. I trust my instincts.

What were your big learning lessons in that first year? Tell me in the comments below. xx